I find that being able to laugh at yourself is one of the best coping mechanisms out there. I give myself reason to laugh at myself on a very regular basis. Not because I am hilarious, mind you, but because I am hilariously flawed and laughing about it is much more fun that crying about it! I realized recently that I view it as a stepping stone to maturity when I watch my kids find humor in their own particular idiosyncrasies. I have worked hard helping them learn to be able to laugh at themselves. It is easier for some and harder for others. And I will say, we all have topics regarding our insecurities that we can not find funny…maybe ever. That is ok, too. Then we have to find kindness and understanding for those sensitive areas. Maybe they will be funny someday, maybe not. I am 50, and just now finding it ok to make fun of my lack of innate tidiness. I try so hard…but it doesn’t come naturally.
Helping my children accept themselves fully so they take themselves and their mistakes less seriously, has been one of my biggest parental goals. I worked on it by trying to show unconditional love, as we all work to do. Even if I was MAD (not just mad, but MAD) at them, I always sang their bed time song when they were young and always say ‘good night, sweet dreams, I love you, see you in the morning’. I do this even if I feel like slamming my bedroom door and not talking to them instead. I also work to model admitting my own mistakes or foibles openly. I make fun of myself by saying things like “You know me, I can not for the life of me……or I always…”! Or admitting when I am just plain not good at something. No pressure to be perfect around me. At the same time, I promote celebrating what we are proud of doing. Accepting praise and tooting our own horn honors the successes, which in turn makes it easier to acknowledge the mistakes as well. I have coached kids on how to own something. I have been known to challenge one of them by saying “go tell Dad ‘you know me, I’m so hard on myself, that I…..’ with a smile on your face”. Hoping they will realize it’s not the end of the world! And actually, it’s freeing to accept yourself and be amused by your own humanity. It definitely makes life a smidge easier and more fun in the process.
This is a good one Sabina- would love to hear more about exactly how to do this! I totally agree with you. Trish
Thanks, Trish! Along with modeling laughing at yourself, giving them the exact words to use, celebrating their ‘wins’ and unconditional love as I mentioned in the blog….maybe finding famous people who can admit their foibles and are comfortable with themselves (biographies about mistakes made before success), gently pointing out when something isn’t their strong suit in a nonchalant way (“well, keeping a clean room is not your biggest concern” or joking about it “what?! YOUR room a tad messy?” with a smile on your face, reminding regularly that we all have our quirks and mistakes and yet the world is still spinning on its axis!