Parenting is losing titles, but Keeping the faith.
Being a parent is one very long exercise in learning to let go. Your child begins inside of you – in your womb or in your heart or both. They are with you all of the time. As babies, you are their everything, you hold every title: best friend, comfort, nurse, teacher, food source, bather, butt wiper, clothes changer, chauffeur. It is at times, too constant and your roles too many. Then the letting go begins, titles are shed and your faith is tested. Your child goes off to day care or preschool and starts a little life without you.
As kids grow, you lose a title here and there. Some titles you are thrilled to rescind – that of butt-wiper first and foremost! Other titles are harder to give up, but you know it is better for them to broaden their world and their support system.
Generally, friends take more time away and then sports, activities and schoolwork demand more of their focus. More titles leave your domain. They learn to drive and can actually go places without your delivery. The driving alone step is a big one. Giving up the chauffeur title may mean more time for you, but it also means giving up some important control – some (misguided) sense that you could keep them safe. This one of your biggest tests of faith. You have to learn to let go and believe they will return safely to you.
As my kids have aged, I realize that these title losses and faith stretches are important. I need to recognize and feel them as they happen so I am better prepared for the end of such active parenting. I need to honor the transitions so I am ready to transition my own life into the next stage. My oldest was recently in a small hill town in Italy for a long weekend. Her Italian ‘burner’ phone wasn’t working and they had no wi-fi. With no way to contact her, I had to relinquish every single title I used to hold in her life. All I could do was keep the faith that she was safe. Moving forward, I chose to work to retain a role as one of her teachers and one of her best friends. I’ll take those, they’re good.
My chauffeur title has expanded. I’m driving my kids more than ever and I am SOOOO okay with it! For whatever reason, we kids share more with me in the car than the dinner table or anywhere else. In 2 years, I lose the title since the oldest will be an independent driver. I’ll be sad to lose it. Glad others miss the titles – thanks for sharing!
You are so right! Kids often share most in the car, especially after school or events. Yay you, Michelle for appreciating the time and its fleeting nature!
My latest “Mom mantra” is…… Let go, let go, let go and then trust. It’s been repeated in my head a bagillion times over the past month and has saved my life!